i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
