Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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