A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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