so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
