I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
