You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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