wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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