question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
