I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
