Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize