you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize