Apparently you make a good broom.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
