Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
