I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
