I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
