What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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