The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have demons in me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
