is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
