apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
