He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she looked like the before picture.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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