I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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