Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
