Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
