You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
