Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
