I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
