you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FUCK WHALES
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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