Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
