i permit you to call me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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