I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
