I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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