I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
