Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
