I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize