In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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