ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
