Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
