you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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