I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
