They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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