I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
