we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
