There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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