i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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