Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
