Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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