Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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