Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
