So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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