For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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