There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
