i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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