I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
