"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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