I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
