8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
