when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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