...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
