found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
