You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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