My nipple is on Facebook.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
