Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
