my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
