We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
