took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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