I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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