Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
