Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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