Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
