Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
