She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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