don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
