we have pet lesbian snakes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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