how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
