my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We don't watch enough power rangers
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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