$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
