STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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