I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
