one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
