I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
