honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
