I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
