Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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