Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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