Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can you repeat that, but with context?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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