She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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