We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
